Guilty on the Run
by vandergelic
Summary: "I quit the RFA." Were the last words MC spoke to her eight friends of two years, after they had gotten together for a vacation to the beach. Once again, she was running from her past. Until a certain someone catches up to her. After spilling everything, he confesses his own urges and asks MC to help him, the only way he knows how...
1. Chapter 1

_Hello! This is my first time writing a fanfic since like..2013. I think the first 2-3 chapters will be centered around MC, maybe. Then there will be SaeranxMC. I hope you enjoy..!_

* * *

It has been 2 years since I've moved to South Korea and joined the RFA after receiving a strange text message with a link to an app. Normally, I would've ignored things like that, until I saw it was a messenger. I was a lonely student studying abroad with no one but my noisy dorm mate, who occasionally invited me over to her place to eat ramen and rice cakes when she was drunk, while she cried about some mild misfortune in her love life. Not much of a social life if you ask me. Being alone didn't bother me that much, it has been that way for a long while now, but sometimes it can consume you and tear you up on the inside. So, I took a leap of fate and installed the 'Mystic Messenger'. It all happened so fast, then suddenly I was in a dead girl's apartment putting together a charity party, while conversing with five, sometimes six, strangers. After postponing the party because of a series of very dramatic events, we finally had one, with two new members.

Fast forward two years and here I am, lying on my burgundy hammock Yoosung helped me set up on my balcony, scribbling and doodling in my journal I kept with me ever since I moved here. The night breeze gently blowing against me, furthering enhancing the trance I was already in. Cocking my head to the side, I looked up at midnight velvet sky that was lit by the stars.

 _"I wonder how she is..."_

There were many constellations that I could see, my finger absentmindedly lifting to trace them as if I was drawing the picture myself through connect-the-dots.

 _"Maybe she's trying to tell me something..."_

A sigh left my mouth, my hand dropping back down to my stomach once my shoulder began to ache from supporting my arm for so long. Moments later, I felt the breeze brush against me again and the screen of my phone briefly lighting up, but I was already drifting off into a slumber.

 _Running._

 _Running._

 _Running._

 _That's what I've been doing my whole life._

 _To escape the pain._

 _The guilt._

 _The anger, the fear._

 _I was walking along a dimly lit path, surrounding by an abyss of darkness. I was dripping weight but there was no rain. I felt so heavy but there were no weights strapped to my ankles. My heart felt heavy, yet I failed to feel emotion._

 _It was chasing me, I could feel it. My path began to shake, yet I couldn't turn back because with each step I took, it disappeared. I couldn't run to the sides there was nothing there._

 _But I felt it._

 _It was coming closer._

 _Each stride it took, was an earthquake that sent me trampling over my feet, eventually collapsing to my knees._

 _I cried, I pleaded._

 _The tears that hit my hands were red._

 _That's when the path disappeared from below me, sending me falling._

 _I fell._

 _And fell._

 _I screamed and shouted, my hands flailing around desperately for something to hold onto._

 _But there was nothing._

 _Three emotionless faces watched me from above, as I neared a pit of fire._

 _"This is where you'll go." They said._

 _"This is where you belong."_

 _It got hotter..._

 _And hotter..._

 _My screaming got louder, I cried more blood._

 _I accepted my fate, but I was still like this..._

 _Hot..._

 _Hot..._

 _Eventually I felt myself burning..._

Then I woke up.

I shot up in my hammock, nearly toppling out of it and wrapped my arms around myself as soon as I found my balance.

Well, not like I ever had any to begin with...

It was dark, but I could see the sun hinting its arrival. So, I got up and went inside, taking my phone and book with me, plopping down on the couch. I curled up beneath one of the blankets and shuddered. It wasn't the first time I had a dream like that, matter of fact, I have one of every other time I sleep.

It doesn't matter, I felt groggy, but I knew there wasn't going to be any way for me to go back to rest. So, I opened the messenger. Not surprised to see that Seven was on.

 _Hi MC! whattya doin up?_

 _I just happened to wake up early._

 _Did u see the conversation earlier? We're all going to the beach today, so u must come! It's been a minute since we've seen u lolol_

 _Oh cool, I'm in._ _is saeran coming?_

 _Yes im dragging his antisocial ass out whether he likes it or not __

 _Good!_

 _I'll pick u up around five ok? Be ready!_

The conversation ended. I felt emptier than usual, yet I was still so sentimental. My feelings weren't there, but my appetite was. I got up and made a mango smoothie, along with a fruit salad. The sweet taste of fruit always soothed me.

Later on, I decided to go out into town and do some shopping because I've been keeping myself cooped up, I was running out of food.

The guilty conscious of 12 years was brought up from where I buried it deep within me, and clutched onto my back.

I did my best to ignore it.

Eventually five o'clock came and a little bit past that I was zipping down the highway with RFA members in one of Saeyoung's bigger, fancier babies. We all conversed, we all laughed. It was pure and innocent, you would've never guessed we taken out an entire religious cult and a secret agency.

I occasionally glanced out the window for periods of time, zoning out as I looked up to the sky. It was very clear today… I wish my mind was the same.

After about an hour drive, we reached a private beach that essentially belong to Jumin's father. We all piled out of the car and took a moment to glance around, there was even a cabin house. Sometimes, I forgot how rich Jumin's family really is.

"This is nice!" Yoosung exclaimed, nearly getting whacked by Saeran when he stretched out his arms. I giggled at the sight.

"Yeah..You know, you're not too bad at times, jerk. Thanks for inviting us out." Zen said as he nudged Jumin's shoulder with his knuckle. I swore I saw him smile a bit.

"It was nothing. I noticed we all were stressed, so I figured we could use this." Jumin explained. "All my father ever does is bring his girlfriends out here. So, shall we?"

We all played in the ocean, splashing each other and even playing a game where some of us sit on someone else's shoulders, then tried to push each other off. Well, not exactly all of us. Vanderwood was lounging on the beach trying to catch a tan, his sunglasses on as he laid on his purple towel that went with his cheetah print swim trousers; his usual aesthetic. Saeran was besides him, but he wasn't lounging, just watching all of us have fun with a bored expression on his face and being antisocial; usual Saeran behavior. They both threatened Saeyoung if he came near them with a bucket of water though, I think that was the most we ever heard from the two.

I felt the guilty conscious retreat for the time being.

One thing we all did participate in though was a game of volleyball. None of us really had much athletic experience. Besides Vanderwood and Saeyoung with their previous field training, Jaehee with judo, and Zen who works out everyday. The teams were like this; Me, Jaehee, Zen, Vanderwood then Jumin, Saeyoung, Yoosung and Saeran.

"Can me and Zen switch places? I would like to hit my brother in the face with the ball." Saeran said.

"Oh, c'mon!"

"I refuse to be on the same team as Jumin, never." Zen huffed and I rolled my eyes.

"Say Zen, how about you go for Jumin and I go for Saeyoung?" Vanderwood asked, and they both gave each other a low highfive.

"Guys, this game isn't about hitting each other in the face. We must hit the ball so they can't catch it, thus giving us a point." Jaehee explained, being the usual voice of reason and everyone nodded.

"Yes, please listen to Assistant Ka- Jaehee."

"…But if you do happen to hit someone in the face, like Jumin, it won't be counted against you."

The game begun, and we played. It was a bit difficult for all of us to get the hang of at first, we even considered quitting and trying something else. But eventually we got it, and it was a ride. The only people to get hit in the face were Saeyoung and Yoosung, Jumin surprisingly had quick reflexes. Their team did end up winning though, leaving Vanderwood and Zen in a VERY petty state. Those two..were actually very much alike now that I think of it.

When night fell, we were at Mr. Chairman's cabin, but in the backyard and surrounded the firepit. The cooler was open and they all drank a beer, maybe more, while I drank water. We chatted some more and reminisced over previous parties, people, dramatic situations and other events they felt the need to bring up. Somehow, we got onto the topic of our individual pasts and families. I didn't say a word. It was clear Yoosung was intoxicated when he began to rant about Jihyun, quickly turning into a sobbing mess about his death before getting pissed off all over again.

"Yoosung, calm down man." Zen sighed and Saeyoung let out a laugh, before he turned to look at me. He had a worried gaze that glistened through the lens of his yellow and black striped glasses.

"MC, are you okay?"

I had been resting my head on Jaehee's shoulder as we sat on one of the benches together. My head lifted at the sound of his name and I glanced back at him.

"I'm fine."

"You know, MC.." Yoosung slurred and gazed at me with squinted, drunken eyes. "I've always wondered about you. You never tell us about your family, or your past. What are you hiding? Y-You're hiding something aren't you?"

"She doesn't have to tell us anything if she doesn't want to." Jaehee defended me and I let out a breath of relief.

"I'm curious too, actually." Zen added on. "But I won't pry."

"You're suspicious, you're... suspicious. Just like V." Yoosung spat the last of his sentence before taking another sip. I felt my stomach twist into knots and I looked down at my lap, avoiding their eyes.

"I think you've had enough, Yoosung." Jumin reached for his bottle but he shot up from his seat.

"Or maybe, you're not. Maybe, you're just little miss perfect. Haven't you noticed that everyone in the RFA has lost something, has lost someone! I'm so jealous of you MC! There's nothing ever wrong with you, you just live this… happy life. But yet, you have been so distant lately, pushing us all away. Why, MC, why?"

I could see Saeyoung put his head down and Jaehee glance at me in my peripheral vision. Yoosung's gaze burned into my being and I felt my stomach twist into knots.

The guilty conscious creeped back up on me again, I tried my best to keep my hands from shaking.

"Dude, stop it." Saeran spoke up suddenly.

"All we have ever been.. was good to you. We've been so fucking nice to you, all these years MC! And you've… you've just treated us like shit! You pushed us to the side! Why is that? All we've ever done is protect you… You're so fortunate. You've never experienced any hurt, any pain. You never suffered any loss like the rest of us." Yoosung ranted and I balled up my fingers into fists, my body shaking once.

 _"You don't deserve to be in the RFA."_

His last sentence earned and awkward moment of silence, as everyone took in what he said. No one moved, no one said anything. The crackle of the fire and the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore was the only thing filling the silence. Until suddenly, the tears of guilt came pouring out from within me. Uncontrollably. I sobbed. I couldn't stop… just like in my dream, but it wasn't blood.

"I-I'm sorry." I choked on my tears.

 _Why was I like this.._

 _No matter how much I tried.._

 _It wouldn't go away._

 _THIS FEELING._

 _I was exhausted from it…_

 _No matter how much I ran, how much I hid, how much I distracted myself, it would always be there._

 _I must do something._

"I..I've lost too. I just, I can't speak about it…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Maybe you're right, I don't deserve to be in the RFA. I don't.. I don't fit in here." I stood up on my feet, and Saeyoung did too.

"Don't say that. You know Yoosung's a dumbass when he's drunk. You deserve to be here…just as much as anyone else."

"Yeah, MC, don't think too much about it. You're the innocent one here, you don't have to tell us anything if you don't want to." Zen stated.

I let out an uneasy laugh, just as I felt the same… uneasy. Out of place. The fire began to seem hotter than before, I began to feel myself burn, be engulfed in it.

I had to get out of here.

"I'm sorry, I must go. I need to leave…I can't be here. I can't be with you guys anymore." I took steps back from the scene. Everyone was on their feet now, their gazes digging into me. I took one last glance at Yoosung.

I've lost too.

"MC, just-"

"I'm sorry. I quit."

"What?"

"I quit the RFA."

Then before I knew it, I turned my back and took off in the other direction. Away from the beach, away from the cabin. We were miles away from Seoul, but I didn't want to go back there anyway. I made sure I got my clothes and my shoes when I passed through the cabin, so quickly, I was stumbling over myself. Ignoring their calls of my name before I exited out the door and took off.

My legs pushed my body further and further away. I left my phone behind as well so Saeyoung couldn't track me. I couldn't see them again, as much as it hurt me...

It was better this way.

Once again, in my life, I found myself running.

I ran and ran.

My guilty conscious right besides me.


	2. Chapter 2

My feet carried me for God only knows how far. I wasn't aware of the time and had no sense of direction of where I was going. I was pretty sure I wasn't going towards Seoul, but I didn't care. I didn't want to go back there because I know that would be the first place they would look for me. My ragged breathing from sprinting eventually balanced itself out and a hand went to press against my chest.

My heart hurts.

Not like I was having palpations and was going to have a heart attack, no. But it ached because I betrayed the eight people who have stuck by me since I've moved here, despite our unusual meeting. I didn't have many significant moments in my life, but this would be one of them. The time I betrayed the only group of people that genuinely gave a shit about me.

Now that I think about it, maybe I was betraying them since the moment I met them. By hiding who I really was as a person, fabricating my personal life… I didn't deserve people like them. I deserved to be alone.

I remember when Saeyoung came to the apartment to protect me and work. He was so cold and kept on telling me to stay away from him. I acted hurt…I mean, I was hurt. He was the first person I really had physical interactions with when I first moved to Seoul, so I wanted to speak to him… and enjoy his presence. But, deep within me, I understood him.

The same goes for Saeran too. When I visited him in the hospital after we rescued him from Mint Eye and was so hostile towards me, even threatening to kill me sometimes. I forgave him for all of that, because I knew what it was like.

I understood why those two were so cold and distant. Everyone in the RFA…we were all fucked up in so many ways, but I didn't express that part of me to them. I was afraid they would be disappointed, I had already depicted an innocent image. I didn't want to break that, but it kept eating me alive on the inside, little by little as the days passed.

Now here I was.

I admit, I was kind of scared. I had no idea where I was. The road looked the same as I continued down on it, and it seemed like it went on for miles. It was probably too early to even think this, but I thought I was going to die.

My feet began to ache just as much as my heart and mind, so I collapsed on the side of the road and began to cry again.

Seriously, _what the fuck was I doing._

I'm so confused, so lost, and so alone. But I deserved every bit of it.

I had gone about this without a plan or a place to go, I should've at least waited until we went back. But Yoosung's words really struck a string in my heart.

" _All we have ever been.. was good to you. We've been so fucking nice to you, all these years MC! And you've… you've just treated us like shit! You pushed us to the side! Why is that? All we've ever done is protect you… You're so fortunate. You've never experienced any hurt, any pain. You never suffered any loss like the rest of us."_

I shuddered. I've seen him intoxicated before, but I hadn't seen him get so angry. Was that really what I've done to him? Is that how I made him and all the others feel?

" _You don't deserve to be in the RFA."_

Imagine how even more mad I made them felt when I just left like that. I cried more, my back falling back into the grass and staring up at the night sky. It was similar to the night before…except no stars. It represented exactly how empty I felt, but conflicted all at the same time.

I haven't done anything right my whole life, maybe it's about time I start doing so. I complain about feeling this way, but yet I keep digging the hole bigger and bigger.

"I'm sorry…" I spoke to the sky.

Maybe I should return to them. It's time to make things right. I wasn't ready, but I need to come to terms with my past. Whatever the consequences may be…I deserved them.

Tears still streamed down my face, and I wiped them with my bare arm before sitting up and letting out a sigh, attempting to pull myself together. My hands brushed off the dirt from the tank top I wore and I stood up again. My mind told me to go back the way I came, but I kept walking in the same direction I was going for.

I was seriously…not ready.

Suddenly, bright headlights flashed from behind me, the illuminating glow getting closer as I whipped myself around.

 _Shit._

I knew it was pointless to hide, they had already saw me, so I stopped in my tracks as they pulled up to the side of the road. It was Seven's fancy car, but when the door swung open it revealed his doppelganger, Saeran.

We didn't say much, just stood and stared at each other for a while. I could still see his piercing eyes amongst the darkness, and his silver hair. He had decided to dye it back without the pink highlights, saying he missed the look and made him different from his brother. His tatted bicep pressed against the hood as he crossed his forearms together over his chest.

"Hey." He said, with a slight rasp to his tone.

"Hi…" My voice was so weak compared to his and my gaze averted away, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"That was a dramatic exit. I'm honestly kind of surprised you made it out this far."

I looked down at my feet, flashbacks of the night replaying through my head as I felt tears fall again.

"Yeah. I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't know-"

"Don't be sorry." I suddenly felt his hand press against my shoulder and his other free hand going to tilt my chin up. My breath hitched in my throat at the sight.

I never noticed how attractive he was.

"Yoosung was being a dick. We locked him up in one of the rooms, before they all started to freak out over you. My idiot brother began to track you without even seeing your phone still on the couch, so I took the keys and came looking for you myself."

"O-Oh…thank you."

"Don't mention it."

More moments of silence passed by, nothing but the sound of the breeze and the chirp of the crickets in the surrounding woods to fill the air. Our gazes kept flickering between each other and the wilderness around us. I pulled my lower lip between my teeth as I contemplated on what to say next.

Scratch that. I knew exactly what I had to say next but I feared his reaction, when I shouldn't be. Saeran is probably the most least judgmental person I know, because of the shit he has done himself. The only thing that was keeping me back was the fact that we weren't close. Should I really be telling someone so distant my darkest secret? Maybe that was a more of a reason to tell him…to bring us closer. I haven't always been interested in Saeran, but seeing him this way…the way he cared for me, even though he wouldn't actually admit it, got me thinking maybe I should give him a chance.

"Shall we head back now?" Saeran asked, even though it was more of a statement than a question and he turned his back to me, getting ready to go back to the car. I grabbed him by his wrist and stopped him from going any further. His head cocked back at me with an apparent frown.

"Wait." I said and my body trembled a bit with nervousness. "There's something I need to tell you…a-about me. My past, who I really am…"

He pulled his wrist from my grasped and turned back around to fully face me, one of his thick eyebrows arching on his face.

"Why are you telling me?"

'Well…I don't want to say it in front of the others. So, I figured I should do it while we're alone right now. A-And…I think…I mean I guess, maybe you'll understand me the best."

"Hm. Alright." Saeran spoke so casually, his eyebrow relaxing as he returned to the same blunt facial expression he usually always had. Saeyoung usually joked around and told him he had resting bitch face syndrome, but this isn't the time for jokes. I let out a gentle sigh.

"I can tell this is going to be long. How about we drive back a little way and go sit on the beach. I'll make sure we're far enough so they won't find us." He stated once before really going back to the car this time and entering the driver's side. I followed suit and got into the passenger side quietly. The ride was silent and quick. We were eventually back near where we had our fun and shenanigans earlier that day.

The beach was even more beautiful at the nighttime. The waves were much gentler now, being pushed back and forth by the moon's gravity, reflecting its luminosity at the same time. It was as if the ocean represented a royal blue canvas that crept near us before scurrying back away. The scene was straight out of a fantasy.

And Saeran fit perfectly in.

A soft breeze brushed against us, making my curly fawn hair blow behind my shoulders and I decided to kick my shoes off so I could feel the cold sand between my toes as we sat a few feet away from the shoreline. From the corners of my eye I could see the outline of Saeran's side profile, the way his silver hair was tousled in the most perfect way, his wispy eyelashes, the slim bridge of his nose, his sculpted jawline-

"Are you going to tell me or are we just wasting time?" His raspy voice spoke up suddenly and his eyes flickered over to me, making my own widened a little.

It was almost as if he knew I was studying him, even though I wasn't even looking his way.

I cleared my throat and brought my knees closer to my chest as I continued to stare down.

A wave of nervousness washed over me. I've had dreams of the event, even daydreams. I've indirectly written about it in my journal, I've cried hours about it. But never have I once willingly spoken about it. This would be the first time, and God I hope I was making the right decision.

 _If I told him would she be happy?_

 _Would she forgive me?_

 _If I said anything, would I feel better?_

 _Will the weight of the past be lifted off my shoulders?_

 _Would my guilty conscious disappear?_

I guess I will have to find out.

 _"Well…It all started 12 years ago. When I was 8 years old.."_


	3. Chapter 3

_I stood on the stool in our small tattered bathroom, studying myself in the mirror. My ears had tuned out the shouting and screaming in the background, as I examined the purple bruise on my shoulder and the scratch on my face that leaked blood. My small hands reached for the tiny alcohol wipe as I dabbed it over the cut, immediately hissing at the sharp sensation as a tear streamed from my eye._

" _This is your fault, if you hadn't made me mad I wouldn't have done that to you."_

 _My brother spoke from the doorway, looking up at me. He was 12, making him four years older than me. I was 8. I looked at him, trying not to be scared but I knew fear glistened in my chestnut eyes as I turned back to the mirror. Whimpers left me as I continued to disinfect my cut, until suddenly my brother took a tight hold on both of my shoulders and forced me over to him, making me trip off the stool and scrap the side of my ankle. I yelped softly and he shook me as he pointed downstairs, in the direction of the yelling._

" _Do you hear that? Do you hear what's going on?! None of this would be happening if you hadn't told them I hit you! You're so stupid! So dumb, MC! So dumb! Why don't you just be quiet?" He spat._

 _He was right…most of the commotion in this house was caused by me since I always had to run my mouth to someone. But I couldn't help it, I was scared. I was afraid that one day he would just end up killing her._

" _I'm sorry.." My small voice managed to squeak out and I was greeted with a firm smack in the face from my brother._

" _Stop talking! You're the worst sister ever, you know that? I would be so much happier if you were never born...Jesus."_

 _And with that he left me, as I began to sob into the palm of my hands._

* * *

"Your brother was 12 and he was beating you?" Saeran said, sounding taken back and I simply nodded.

"It began earlier than that, when he was 10 and I was 6 I think. I guess he began to take after my father, he would hit my mother as well."

"Jesus Christ."

"It- It wasn't always like this. We had our happy days. But things would just quickly spiral in another direction if my mom pissed off my dad, or I pissed off my brother. We were both victims of abuse, I tried to tell people at school. My teacher saw me come to class one day in a long sleeved sweater, despite how hot it was. Puerto Rico was very hot… She gave me a different shirt then saw the bruises on my arms."

"What happened?"

"They sent a social worker over. My dad was so infuriated, they thought it was him beating me. But somehow things managed to work out… After they left he threatened to hit me himself. Instead of telling my brother to stop, he told me to not make him angry and maybe I wouldn't get hit."

"What a fucking dick, I have no words." Saeran said and looked out back at the ocean.

"You're from Puerto Rico? That explains why your skin is a bit darker then some people in Korea, but you still don't look like it."

"Y-Yeah…" I said. "My dad is Korean, my mother was Puerto Rican. They met on a cruise."

"Little did she know she was getting herself involved with and asshole."

"Unfortunately."

* * *

 _Two years later, I was 11 years old, in middle school now._

 _I walked home with my best friend Mina, it was sunniest day out, I could remember. She was rambling on about how her friend and she were planning to go visit an abandoned house at the end of the week, and was trying to get me to come with her. They were planning on going during the night and sneaking out of their homes, which I was too scared to do._

 _My parents would be working, leaving my brother to watch over me which he was already pissed about doing because he would have to miss going out with his friend. If I were to sneak out…God only knows what he would do to me. And I was not eager to find out._

" _Suit yourself." Mina said and hopped off the ledge she was balancing on as we walked. She didn't know about my family situation. I never told her, I was too shy and too scared to. What if she thought I was pathetic and stopped being my friend? She was all I really had for comfort besides my mom. The other kids at school…I got along with but I didn't really speak to anyone but her._

 _Just as I was thinking this, we approached her home. There was a huge truck outside of it and a for sale sign on her lawn. My eyes began to glisten with sadness and my heart dropped to my feet._

 _A sigh left Mina as she walked in front of me._

" _I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't want my last few days with you to be sad. I hope you understand."_

" _Where are you going?"_

" _Switzerland. My dad got an amazing job deal there, and the schools are so cool to! I'm so excited."_

" _Switzerland…" I looked down at my feet. She placed a hand on my shoulder._

" _I'm going to miss you so much, MC! You were seriously one of the best friends I ever had." She pulled me into a tight hug and I began to sob into her shoulder._

" _I won't forget you! Don't worry… I'm sure we'll see each other again in the future! You can come visit and we'll eat lots of chocolate, okay? I heard Switzerland has the best chocolate."_

" _Yeah.."_

 _We never saw each other again after that._

 _That night I cried into my pillow, it was a loud painful one. My mother was there consoling me, pressing kisses to my cheek as she stroked my hair. I was just about to feel at ease until my brother came in and pushed her aside as he hit me hard on the back of my head. I was now whimpering and crying._

" _Now why did you do that?!" My mother exclaimed, shooting up from her position on my bed._

" _I have school tomorrow too! I can't sleep when she's being fucking annoying like this! She already keeps me from doing so much, can I not sleep now?"_

" _Go back to your room and don't come out!" My mother screamed and I covered my ears.  
The world was too loud sometimes._

 _He scoffed and I heard him shuffle away, slamming the door closed behind him. My mother let out a sigh, petting my head once more._

" _I'm sorry…I wish I could give you a better life, all of us, a better life. I wish I could patch things up and make us all happy again._

 _Get some rest sweetie, I love you."_

 _And with that she was out of my room. I managed to fall asleep despite the ache in my forehead. I couldn't tell if it was from crying so much or getting hit, it didn't matter to me. I remember opening the window to let the cool breeze in before crawling back into bed and drifting off into a deep slumber, as the wind brushed against me, putting my tense body at ease._

 _A few hours later into the night, I awoke to the sound of my dad shouting, and my mom pleading. I heard things crashing downstairs which made me get up._

 _It had never gotten this bad before._

 _I slipped on some socks and crept down a few stairs, just enough so I could peek into the living room and I crouched down on my knees. My eyes nearly popped out of my sockets at the sight. My mother in tears, her hair a mess, blood streaming down from her forehead as my father screamed at her. His button up shirt was open and there were lipstick stains all over his chest and color, he stumbled around and shouted slurs, it was clear he was intoxicated and had been with another woman._

 _He began to hit her again. And again. And again._

" _Shut up! I deserve someone better than you. Why are you always butting into my fucking business?"_

 _The fear, the sadness, the conflict I felt all in me melted into a small, boiling anger._

" _Why do you care who I was with? You should be thankful that I'm even still here with you! In this pathetic ass house, with two pathetic children."_

 _He hit her again, earning my sobs and pleads from her. My body trembled as I clenched my fists together. My whole life, I have always been scared. I've always been such a coward, trapped in a corner and just letting people step all over me and the ones I loved. I've never seen my father treat my mother this bad before…the most I've ever seen was him smacking her. This was too much, I had to do something._

" _You'll be lucky if I keep you alive much long-"_

" _STOP IT!"_

 _My father turned to face me. His face was twisted up into a frown, drops of sweat making his forehead glisten, a beer bottle in one hand and my mother's hair in the other. He dropped her, making her collapse onto the couch._

" _What are you doing up? Go the fuck to bed!"_

" _N-No! You're hitting my mommy, leave her alone!" My voice was small and weak, but I shouted. I remember shouting at him so much it began to crack._

" _Leave her alone! You always do this! You ruined our family!"_

" _Little girl…I'm going to make you regret what you just said." My father snarled at me, dropping his bottle to the ground making it smash to pieces on the hardwood floor._

" _MC run! Oh god please, run away!" My mother yelled and my eyes shot straight towards her._

 _My father charged at me, and I ran into his direction, earning more screams from my mom but I was more agile despite my lack of athletic experience. I ducked right below his arms and stood in front of my mom, my back facing towards her as if I was shielding her._

 _She was the only good thing in my life…I had to protect her!_

 _The drunken man scoffed as he whirled himself around and crept over to me. My eyes caught sight of a piece of glass from the bottle he had broken earlier. The shard was much bigger than the rest. The boiling anger within me prompted me to pick it up and I did so, it was like the demon had gotten rid of the angel and now controlled both of my shoulders."_

" _St-Stand back! Or I'll hurt you, I'll hurt you!" I yelled back, and all he did was laugh in return._

" _You wouldn't dare…" His eyes were filled with evil intent as he marched over towards me and the boiling fear exploded, taken over my entire body as my hand swung at him, pushing the shard right into his neck._

 _Time seemed to stop at that moment, the only sound I could hear was my own breath and the beating of my heart accelerating. My father's eyes were wide, glaring into mine, he had sunk down to his knees so we were eye level. One of his hands reached for my wrist, but I quickly retorted._

" _Don't touch me! Don't touch me ever again! And don't touch my mom!"_

 _Before I knew it, I was on top of him, puncturing his chest numerous times. More than I could count. I couldn't stop, the devil had taken over me. I was in a complete trance as I stabbed my father. My mind was in a frenzy of fear, anger, agony, and conflict. I couldn't control myself._

 _I couldn't stop._

 _I couldn't stop._

 _I couldn't._

 _I wanted someone else to feel the pain that I had been experiencing all these years._

 ** _For once, I wanted someone to feel how they made me feel._**

 _Tears were streaming down my face as I felt the life slip from his body and the glass fell from my now bloodied hands. The original color of my clothes now becoming soaked in crimson then suddenly I felt my mother pull me from him. I could hear her heartbeat, it was almost as ecstatic as mine. She stared at his body and held me to her tightly as I sobbed into her chest.  
_

 _Never would I have thought that I would take a life when I was 11 years old._

 _And that it would be my father's._

 _We stood like that for a while, I could tell my mom was contemplating something. I lifted my head up, my eyes going back to my dad's dead body, then my bloody clothing._

 _I have done this._

 _And I will pay the price._

 _It's okay…as long as my mother doesn't have to suffer anymore._

 _I'd kill again just to keep her from pain._

" _What…the hell happened?"_

 _It was my brother. He stood at the bottom of the staircase, looking at the scene. There were bags under his eyes but yet he looked more awake than ever. His distress was very apparent on his face as he caught sight of my bloodied hands._

" _What the FUCK did you do?!" Worry and fear shone in his eyes, but his body was filled with anger as he marched towards me. Suddenly, my defensive wall was back up as I pulled away from my mom and picked up the same piece of glass I stabbed my father with._

 _My father…I shouldn't even call him that anymore._

" _Stand back! Get away from us or I'll…I'll do to you what you did to him!" I shouted, making him stop in his tracks._

" _ **I'll kill you! I'll kill you too!** " I was shouting and crying at the same time, my voice becoming hoarse now. "I'll make you feel what you did to me! All those times you hit me…called me names…abused me! I won't take it anymore!"_

 _I began to walk towards him but my mother prevented me and pulled me back towards her. She took the glass shard and smashed it onto the ground before sweeping me up off my feet. I wailed into the crook of her neck as I clung onto her. She stumbled a bit but managed to get out of the house, taking one last glance at my brother and my now deceased father before closing the door. She ran with me in her arms through the dark streets of Puerto Rico. Once we got further away from our home, she set me down on my feet. Before I could say anything, she took my hand and dragged me along with her as we began to ran again._

 _I had no idea where we were headed. My mind was so jumbled and confused. That rade and confidence that I had felt minutes before was now washed over with fear as I realized that I had done something terrible. The gravity of the situation was immense and I was wondering how we were going to get out of it. But it seemed as if my mother had a plan…_

 _We had stopped at a small gas station along the way and tugged me straight into the bathroom before anyone could see us. She washed the blood off my hands and face, tugging off my clothes to rinse them off too._

" _Mommy…" I choked out and she dropped down to her knees, cupping my face. It was gentle but firm, and she had a stern look in her eyes compared to her normal loving ones._

" _You don't /ever/ speak of this, got it? Don't ever bring it up, don't say a word about it. It could get us both hurt again, understand?"_

 _I nodded and she went back to washing my clothes, then drying them the best that she could below the dryer. We were out of that gas station before I knew it, and back on the road, walking instead of running now. I looked up at the night sky._

 _God…what have I gotten us into?_

 _Eventually we reached a small, but elegant house that was in a secluded but open area a little way from a small town we had passed through. We walked up to the doorstep and I held my mom's hand tightly as she knocked on the door twice with her knuckles._

 _A few moments passed and the door swung open. A tall, slender woman dressed in a white robe with her golden silky hair tied up in a neat bun on top of her head. Her skin was pale, and she had piercing hazel eyes that resembled a sunset's horizon._

" _Ms. Lee, I'm sorry for disturbing you this late at night._

 _But it seems as if we have an issue at stake."_


End file.
